For the past couple of years, I haven’t experience absolute happiness. I kind of forgot how it feels or how to achieve it anymore. At the moment, I’m just in routine of going to work and going home, maybe I’ll stop by a bar and have a drink by myself but I don’t have anyone or any friends. It took me a while to realize how lonely I am and how much I need someone to make me feel “wanted”. At work I see these successful men come in and spend hundreds of dollars with these women that look like they are worth $100 dollars. It just makes me wonder like “ what do they have that I don’t have?

I see them having fun, drinking, flirting, and having a good time and I also know they are getting paid at the end of the night whether the men they are with are extremely old. But I think what I envy is the attention and the feeling of being lusted for and the way the men look at them and wanted them so much. I may sound desperate and pathetic but it’s something I long for in my life. I’m not the pretty girl and I never was. I am just an average girl who has high standards and will never have it because nice things never happen to average looking girls. I don’t feel like I’ll ever achieve happiness at all…



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