Im not surprised…

I guess after so many years, Im not attractive to him anymore.

“Im just trying to get my life back together”

We met, we went out, had an AMAZING dinner and walked around the city for a bit. After that we said our goodbyes and I went home.

We spoke on the phone a couple of times and texted back and forth but then he just disappeared.

“Do you want to see me again?” I texted. He never responded, he disappeared again.

Im a bit hurt because I was really having a lot of fun, fun that I hadn’t had in so many years, but at same time I feel very indifferent. There was a part of me which knew he wasn’t going to be as interested as before. I know when he first met me, I was very slim, I used to be in the gym and I was very young. I know my body has changed a lot since. I am no longer slim as I used to be because I grew and stopped doing “healthy” things.

At one point during dinner, I remember him looking at me very strangely but I didn’t really paid attention because I was very happy to see him again after so long. I finally had a drink with him because I’m legal age to drink. He found it hilarious because the way I was acting contrasted to when we first met. I was all shy and innocent following all the rules and not really speaking to anyone, I actually remember didn’t make eye contact with people around me when I was with him because i was so shy. But this time when we saw each other again I was everywhere and more confident. I think working in the restaurant got me a bit confident but it seemed he liked the fact that I was more outgoing then before.

“You know how to drink.” He said as I drank the last of my vodka drink

We went to a steakhouse near Rockefeller where it was almost a club. It was so loud we could barley hear each other speak. Instead I grabbed him and made him dance in the middle of the restaurant with me because they were playing awesome music from the 80’s and he knew all the words! It was the first time ever in my life I have done that with anyone! We had oysters (he was surprised I loved them) steak and mushrooms with asparagus. More drinks kept flowing and danced again afterwards.

After that I showed him to places that I know now, like the Russian Tea room and also little places I had discovered around Rockefeller Plaza. Places that I go by myself because, well, I have no one to go with… (thats another different post entirely)

Drinks kept flowing and at the end of the night we had to go our separate ways.

We took a seat outside the hotel he was staying at and he started to talk to me in a serious manner.

“You know, I came here only to see you. I didn’t really have to come here for business but I really wanted to see you after so long.” He said as he kissed my forehead

“Did you really do this for me?” I ask astonished

“Yes. I have to drive to tomorrow morning and go upstate. I thought it would be a great to surprise you! I also did it because I never forgot that smile of yours and wanted to see it again after so many years.”

“Wow! Thank you so much. Its been the best night I have had in such in a very long time. Thank you for doing this for me and venturing out to see me. It means a lot to me!” I said as i gave him a wide smile.

“I’ll see you again soon. I had a blast tonight!”

We hugged and we went our separate ways.


I guess Im used to getting disappointed and getting my hopes let down.

Maybe my problem is that i get overexcited to fast and I show it. Thats a bad thing? Thats how I am when I am truly happy and I get on peoples nerves. Hence why I usually stay quiet and depressed but then people hate that too.

I don’t care anymore.


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