Self hate

I wish I could be a man. A handsome man or a man with money, that way i could buy anything and anyone I wanted. No I’m a girl, a girl who can not sleep with just anyone. I cant do a one night stand and not cry about it. When i was 19 maybe i could have and thats why i went to be a sugar baby, but I’m 22 and i hate the idea of sleeping or hooking up with a man. I know i will cry and i know i will want to kill myself after. I just dont know what to do.

Then, i still love D, i love him with all my heart. He doesn’t want me. He says to get over someone is to fuck people and get your mind of that person, thats what he did with me…

I know if i just hookup with someone, i will hate myself and cry myself in a puddle of tears. I really just dont know what to do anymore… Maybe ill just end everything very sudden no one will fucking care anyways.

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3 responses to “Self hate

  1. Sweetie *hug* please take a moment to sit back and take a deep breath. I can see that you’re hurting right now and as someone who’s going through relationship stuff right now, I can understand. You don’t need to hook up with someone to get over a person. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable and absolutely do not think that no one cares. This sounds kind of cliche but no man is worth your life. No man. No woman.
    It is absolutely ok to cry; crying isn’t a sign of weakness, it means we feel. So you go right on ahead and feel and cry and get it out. Scream if you have to. Be angry if you have to. But don’t hurt yourself and don’t pay attention to that guy for a good while because he’s encouraging destructive behavior and is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME. Just because you are a sugar baby doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings and we are all here for you if you need someone to talk to. *major hugs*

  2. Thank you so much! It means a lot to me! This has been extremely hard for me and everything reminds me of the good and bad that we had together. I really do hate myself in every possible way and its uncontrollable. He’s over me, but im not, instead i love him with all my heart and thats the worst feeling i ever felt.

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