I sit in the corner of the room listening to the conversations of my friends and listen to their laughter. I look at them and see happiness and freedom in each of them. The more that I look and stay in that room, the more I get uncomfortable. Yes they are my friends but I feel unwelcome.
Its a feeling of wanting to be alone but at the same time don’t wanting to be lonely.
I wish I was alone with that one person that mattered the world to me. Everything felt right and everything felt great, At least for the time we were together.
I now feel the itch to have a strong drink until I wake up in the middle of the night running to the bathroom to puke my everything and sink into my depression even deeper.
I am not happy. I am not well. I am scared.
If I wasn’t so afraid of what happens after you take your last breath, I would have slit my wrist and kissed my life goodbye as I close my eyes and felt it all go down the drain. This pain is unbearable.
I doubt anyone would even care. All I know it would be easy for them to get over me.
I wake up and look in the mirror every single day. Getting ready to go to class in the morning has become a nightmare. Just to see how much I fucked up with my body. I have gained so much in so little time. I hate getting dressed as I know 70% of my wardrobe does not fit me correctly anymore.
I now wear baggy sweaters in order to hide my mistakes and I hate it. Spring is around the corner I i fucking hate my body so much.
I got big and I need to make a change, but every time I look its just disappointing that I just want to curl up and cry. I used to have motivation but now i dont.
I see pictures of the other girl that the special person to me once was interested. she got more beautiful and fit and I just got fat and ugly. (Maybe thats why I’m alone) Im pretty sure he will contact her in a while after he has gotten fully over me and forgotten me.
Im in deep depression because of him and im pretty sure he is having the time of his life. This morning I really hate myself…
Sometimes I wish it would all just be over….