Imagine that one day, you find a person where you realize that you want to impress this person. You get ready the DAY BEFORE, you put in time picking out your outfit and planning your hairstyle. Imagine that you look at your closet and you notice that you barley have anything “presentable” to put on but you make the best of it, you even invest a bit of money in clothes. Imagine that you look in the mirror and hope that the other person that you are trying to impress will love it and eventually notice the hard work.
Imagine that the person that you are trying to impress has a past of beautiful women. Women that he describes as “bombshells”, “beautiful” and “gorgeous”, words you never heard them said to you or about you. Imagine feeling the pressure to live up to this image with what you have, which many is known as “Basic” or ‘average’. Imagine reading what he wants and what he loved about other women. Imagine the pressure to want this person so much that you begin to make up stories in order to lure that person in because you have nothing else to offer but the sole idea of a fantasy becoming true.
Imagine you fall in love with this person and pour your heart out to this person. Imagine that you want to be his and only his. You promise yourself that you will make him happy and please him in every way. Now, imagine saying things in order to make him want you because you know that you have nothing else to offer physically so saying things such as “I’ll do a threesome” or “I like girls” because he wants a threesome with two girls. Imagine saying the two letter word “NO” when ever he asks you multiple times and his response is that he will leave you because you wont do it. Imagine the fear of losing the one person you tried so hard to win over and the person you felt such connection.
Imagine you finally give in and let him make plans. The plans for the threesome with some he picks because you really don’t want to do it. Imagine that the day comes and you are scared and nervous that you forget to eat all day. Imagine sitting on the train going to the hotel and thinking if you should back out. Imagine thinking that you don’t want to share this person because you love them but you do it anyways because that’s what will please him and that’s all it matters to you. Imagine getting there and there is a bottle of tequila. Imagine, thinking that if you drink enough, you will get through it easily and it will be a dream. Imagine drinking half the bottle on an empty stomach; imagine having sex with the man you love so much before the other girl comes in. Imagine that while having sex, your body just starts going numb and you instantly fall onto the bed, naked, and limp due to the amount of alcohol in your system. Imagine wanting to get up and move but not being able to. Scary right?
Now imagine a strange woman come in and you two are left alone in the room talking about nonsense while he just leaves. Imagine he comes back in and you find yourself bent over a toilet, crying, while they chat affectingly outside in the bedroom. Imagine thinking that he will cancel the whole thing because of the condition you were in. Imagine that somehow you get the strength to get up and stubble around while they dress you up and escort you outside for fresh air and a cigarette. Imagine come back into the room and they both take off your clothes after a break outside. The feeling of vulnerability and defenseless because all you want to do is prove how much you love him. Imagine thinking that it’ll all be over soon. You eat out the girl you never met before while he enters you from behind. Imagine getting angry at the way he fucks her in front of you, the way he fucked the girl he calls “Friend LES” from his past.
Imagine getting sad as you see him eat out his “ex” with gusto. Imagine the feeling of worthlessness and then seeing the way he treats her for her “B-day”. Imagine crying underneath him as he tell you he loves you. Imagine feeling disgusting and regret everything. Imagine that the end you get angry as you see him cleaning up for his “girl”. Imagine getting left out in the streets still drunk and dizzy like a dog by the person you just wanted to impress because you love him.
Imagine walking along the street crying and sitting on the floor for a while thinking he will be looking for me. Imagine waiting… waiting, but he never appeared. Imagine going home without even a “thank you” when you know that you just forced yourself to do something unbearable for someone you love, and for someone you wanted to prove your love to.
I don’t have to imagine… I only have to remember…