Agapi mou

city-couple-holding-hands-new-york-city-nyc-street-Favim.com-81223After having amazing sex like we always have, we went to our regular diner. I was starving and ordered a Cheese Burger and he had his coffee. Our age difference is very noticeable to others but to me it doesn’t matter at all. When he is in front of me, he is my prince, my everything. I touch his knee as a sign of love. Whenever I am with him I feel goofy and happy because I am with him, seeing him smile bring me more joy then anything!

My cheeseburger arrives and I offer to share my fries with him as he speaks about the stock market. I listen and I make funny faces in order to make him laugh and cheer him up because he is always worried about stocks crashing. I love him so much and I show it every second I can. We finish the plate and I notice there were pickles on the side. I offer him a pickle and he declines. Me being the goofy person I am, I try to stab it with a fork and move it to my plate but I was unsuccessful and the pickled flops down on the counter in a very funny, awkward way! The pickle just flopped, it literally did and I started laughing. I noticed him trying not to laugh as he wants to portray his “professional demeanor” but I saw a smile crack on his lips.

We finished and head out into the cold. I walk very close to him and try to steal kisses from him. I tell him how much I love him over and over before we get to the train station. He pulls me to a dark street and he kisses me and I hug him tight, not wanting to let go. He started to tear up and all I wanted is to take care of him. I love him so much. We kiss in the middle of the street. We stay there nuzzling for a bit and then headed to the train again.

Once at the train station, he walked me down the stairs and he kissed me again. We both knew we didn’t want to leave each other. We nuzzled and kissed as people passed by into and out of the station. I held in tears and I know he did too. Our love for each other will always be in each others heart no matter what. We stayed there for 3 minutes and he starts to head his way. I stand there looking at him walk away. He looks back and sees me still there and he waves good night and he walks up the stairs. I wipe a tear off my cheek and head into the station.

Music was playing and all I could think about is when I will be back in his arms again.

I love him so much. DxS

“S’agapo para poli angele mou”

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Make-up is beauty…

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Why am I obsessed with make-up?

Good question. I was never a girly girl till I met Davey. Well, even with him I still felt I came up short compared to every other girl he had met and who I knew as the “girly girls”. He even asks who are my pretty friends and I feel as tiny as an ant because I know deep inside that I am nothing compared to them and that’s why he is asking.

I never have been very interested in my appearance until recently, when I noticed everything around me. I’m an average girl with an average look, unlike many of my friends from high school like Paulina and Veronica, who loves to wear make-up and who love to dress all elegant and sophisticated even to class. I am known as the girl that was always surrounded by these types of girls because these girls want me to be like them. Even now in college, my best friends wear amazing clothing, perfect make-up and are beautiful in every way. I am just there…

I remember back in high school, in chemistry class, I used to be picked on by the black bitches that didn’t even know how to scratch their ass because I used to make them feel stupid and I was also picked on by the professor. I used to wear washed out jeans, ripped up converse and band t-shirt like ‘Blondie’ and ‘The Ramones’. I also always wear my hair down, which I get many compliments since its mink-like hair, but it’s always down and in my face. I used to sit next to Veronica and she was my class partner for chemistry, I used to help her in class but the teacher would embarrass me because I was trying to help my classmate but when Veronica was flirting with some guys while middle of the class, the teacher wouldn’t say anything. The teacher preferred her even though I was the top student in his class, and she would always get away with everything. I was always jealous of her even though she was one of my best friends.

Now, I understand how things work and I really try my best to look decent but I know it isn’t me. Though I do admit that I love make-up because of the colors and it makes me look better, and of course going into a Sephora or a MAC store in NYC is very exciting, I wish I wouldn’t have to wear it in order to feel worthy of competing. I realized, that even with Davey, I wanted to look great for him because I didn’t want him to replace me or get bored of me or be ashamed of me. I was his girl and I wanted him to be proud of me, to “show me off” in a way. In another hand, I know the person I am and how I look and I am pretty sure I do not come close to what ever he is used to. He compliments my eyes a lot, actually a lot of people do and that is why if you go to my make-up, you’ll find A LOT of eye make-up and only 1 foundation, because I want him to see at least the bit of “beauty” I have. I know I am not gorgeous, I know I don’t have great lips, tits, or have a banging body… I know I am plain Jane…

Everyday I wake up and try to look great for him… at least… I try…

Imagine (Girl POV)

Imagine

Imagine that one day, you find a person where you realize that you want to impress this person. You get ready the DAY BEFORE, you put in time picking out your outfit and planning your hairstyle. Imagine that you look at your closet and you notice that you barley have anything “presentable” to put on but you make the best of it, you even invest a bit of money in clothes. Imagine that you look in the mirror and hope that the other person that you are trying to impress will love it and eventually notice the hard work.

Imagine that the person that you are trying to impress has a past of beautiful women. Women that he describes as “bombshells”, “beautiful” and “gorgeous”, words you never heard them said to you or about you. Imagine feeling the pressure to live up to this image with what you have, which many is known as “Basic” or ‘average’. Imagine reading what he wants and what he loved about other women. Imagine the pressure to want this person so much that you begin to make up stories in order to lure that person in because you have nothing else to offer but the sole idea of a fantasy becoming true.

Imagine you fall in love with this person and pour your heart out to this person. Imagine that you want to be his and only his. You promise yourself that you will make him happy and please him in every way. Now, imagine saying things in order to make him want you because you know that you have nothing else to offer physically so saying things such as “I’ll do a threesome” or “I like girls” because he wants a threesome with two girls. Imagine saying the two letter word “NO” when ever he asks you multiple times and his response is that he will leave you because you wont do it. Imagine the fear of losing the one person you tried so hard to win over and the person you felt such connection.

Imagine you finally give in and let him make plans. The plans for the threesome with some he picks because you really don’t want to do it. Imagine that the day comes and you are scared and nervous that you forget to eat all day. Imagine sitting on the train going to the hotel and thinking if you should back out. Imagine thinking that you don’t want to share this person because you love them but you do it anyways because that’s what will please him and that’s all it matters to you. Imagine getting there and there is a bottle of tequila. Imagine, thinking that if you drink enough, you will get through it easily and it will be a dream. Imagine drinking half the bottle on an empty stomach; imagine having sex with the man you love so much before the other girl comes in. Imagine that while having sex, your body just starts going numb and you instantly fall onto the bed, naked, and limp due to the amount of alcohol in your system. Imagine wanting to get up and move but not being able to. Scary right?

Now imagine a strange woman come in and you two are left alone in the room talking about nonsense while he just leaves. Imagine he comes back in and you find yourself bent over a toilet, crying, while they chat affectingly outside in the bedroom. Imagine thinking that he will cancel the whole thing because of the condition you were in. Imagine that somehow you get the strength to get up and stubble around while they dress you up and escort you outside for fresh air and a cigarette. Imagine come back into the room and they both take off your clothes after a break outside. The feeling of vulnerability and defenseless because all you want to do is prove how much you love him. Imagine thinking that it’ll all be over soon. You eat out the girl you never met before while he enters you from behind. Imagine getting angry at the way he fucks her in front of you, the way he fucked the girl he calls “Friend LES” from his past.

Imagine getting sad as you see him eat out his “ex” with gusto. Imagine the feeling of worthlessness and then seeing the way he treats her for her “B-day”. Imagine crying underneath him as he tell you he loves you. Imagine feeling disgusting and regret everything. Imagine that the end you get angry as you see him cleaning up for his “girl”. Imagine getting left out in the streets still drunk and dizzy like a dog by the person you just wanted to impress because you love him.

Imagine walking along the street crying and sitting on the floor for a while thinking he will be looking for me. Imagine waiting… waiting, but he never appeared. Imagine going home without even a “thank you” when you know that you just forced yourself to do something unbearable for someone you love, and for someone you wanted to prove your love to.

I don’t have to imagine… I only have to remember…