I had gotten home from doing errands around my neighborhood and had slipped off all my clothes to change to my comfy house clothes. Feeling liberated and finally warm in my comfy bed, I checked my phone that I had left behind in my room all day. Once my phone was on, I realize that HE TEXTED ME! We had gotten into argument so I thought he was not going to reach out to me but to my surprise he did. I smiled…
“Hey where are you?” [5:00 pm]
“Hope you are having fun with you new date” [5:30pm]
I quickly send him a reply
Me- “Hey, just got home from errands. I miss you”
D- “Hey, I was wondering if you want to have coffee. I can come down to Willamsburg”
Me- “Yea I’ll be there in 20 min”
D- “you know what forget it, itll be wierd”
Me- ” Please come out. I miss you and seeing you will make every bad feeling go away. For the both of us.”
D – “ok, see you soon then”
Me- “Yay ok see u in 20”
With that I jumped out of bed, put on my jeans, a shirt, boots, sweater and jacket in 10 minutes and headed out in the NYC cold. Before heading out I had packed 3 tamales my mother made earlier as a little surprise gift for him. ( I take care of my man.)
I jumped in the train and arrived to the destination in 15 min.
Since I was there early, I found a bench to sit. It was placed outside to I just sat in the cold watching people pass by as I just snuggled myself to keep warm.
5 Minutes passed and he appears. My eyes make contact with his and a wide smile naturally forms on me and his eyes light up in the winter brisk. we walked around a tiny bit but it was so cold we basically froze and ran into a near coffee shop. Once there, we order coffee and sat down. We look into each others eyes and we can basically stay quiet for a while and still have the strongest connection known to man. I gave him his gift as he was excited to try them when he got home. We started talking about the cold and how our days had gone. Our coffees arrived and we started talking about our love and the problems we have with each other.
The problem is this, he is married man who loves his wife but has a past of being a sugar daddy who was generous enough in order to fuck and dine 100+ women in a matter of 10-13 years. I am a 21 year old girl who once was a sugar baby and i met him through a site without the sugar daddy pretense. We got together, had sex, it turns to love and we fell for each other. HARD. almost 2 years later, we are here. He decides to leave me and I cant let him go. Why? (Thats for another blog post) I know he has cheated on me with many women and has told me he “Loves me” but if he is cheating on his wife, what stops him from doing it to me? nothing. He has cheated on me and has put my health in danger. All that while I am a faithful, loyal girl who looks up to him and only sees love for him. Maybe im stupid to love him this much but I do and that will never change.
we talk about everything during coffee and spark up interest from our neighboring tables and we quiet down a bit. I take a sip of my coffee and he taps my foot with his. I look up and he smiles as he mouths “I love you”. I smile. I am very hung up on this man.
If he wasn’t married I would gladly marry him in a second. But then I remember “He would cheat on me. Nothing is enough for him.”
I get sad and take another sip.
We talk about other things like family and work as it get later in the night. We decide to leave and back out into the cold. He pulls me to him outside and leans in for a kiss. I kiss him gladly and tell him that I love him and mean it with my whole heart on the line.
We smile, kiss once again before heading to the train. Once in the station, we kiss again as our trains get there at the same time. the doors open simultaneously and we watch each other go into separate ways…
I sit down, doors close, and I hold back in tears as the man in front of me stares at me.
I think to myself… “I will fight for him because he is my everything and my heart searches for him”