The R Word

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Walking through the chilly night in the streets of New York, tears streaming down my eyes as each step hurt me between my thighs. I held on to my bag and coat since I left there as fast as I could after he threw me out. People were staring at me as if I had a second head. Hungry and hurt, all I could do was keep walking. I didn’t want to stop because I knew I would break down.
I knew I shouldn’t have gone there in the first place. I loved my BF (Dave) and he was out of town so I thought a movie with a man I thought was nice, was a good idea. That was until he pushed me on the bed and forced himself into me. He went harder then I thought he would. He was angry at things I didn’t do. He was drunk and it was my fault that I was in that situation. He didn’t finish and I started to disgust him as he called me names as “whore” and “Shit”. He threw me $200 and ordered me to “get the fuck out” and didn’t want me to be there when he got out of the bathroom. Painfully, I put my clothes back on and didn’t care for my smeared make-up.
Once outside I started to break down ignoring the people in the street. I walked so far to look for him, for my love because I was scared and alone. At the end, it was my fault. I got home, took a shower and went to bed.

I sent a message before I fell asleep

Me: “I love you so much”

Dave: “I do too”

I never meant those words as much as I did that night.

People take advantage of a sweet girl with good intentions…

As tears well up in my eyes and a tear drop falling on my keyboard as I write this…

I start this blog.

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One response to “The R Word

  1. it is never your fault, a rapist makes the choice to rape, you weren’t given the choice. no matter what situation, what clothes, how drunk; none of that matters.. there’s a choice made and it is not yours! I wish you well.

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